Have you ever had one of those days when you have a major "aha" moment. One in a day can be pretty overwhelming, but two, that is way beyond overwhelming. The first one came this morning on the bus to school. I was texting Jarom and he told me I needed to concentrate on classes, not graduation. There is a very subtle difference there that I had not been paying attention to. I am really grateful that I have younger brothers, some of the best moments of realization for me have come through their hands. What I love even more, is that I have good relationships with them. If that were not the case, I wouldn't be able to take the advise that they give me. Not that I always do, and sometimes I take offense, but for the most part I feel that I can be called out by them, and I appreciate it in the end.
My second "aha" moment came during Moral Foundations. Dr Olsen read a letter written by a woman who had been in an abusive relationship. She married a man and then he became abusive. He cut her off from her family, was cruel, and manipulative. After 2 years and a baby girl, she finally got the courage to leave him. He would go to her parent's house and try to convince her to come back to him. He would try to manipulate her and get her back. She had problems with staying away and thought constantly about going back to him. One day when he came by he was different. He didn't try to persuade her to come back. He was gentle and kind. He asked about their life insurance and even had her read a line about suicide from it. She knew that he was going to go home and commit suicide. When she said good-bye that day she never thought she would see him again and she was happy. She would be free from his pressure and abuse. He would never bug her again. She was supremely angry and full of hatred the next day when he showed up at her door. He told her that he had been planning to kill himself that night, but in a twist of fate the electricity went out so he could not finish his suicide letter, and he could not leave without that finished. She was furious, she started going off on him, she knew the words to say that would drive him to attempt suicide again. As she was about to say those words, she stopped, and asked herself, what kind of person am I that I would want someone to die? Could she live with herself knowing that she drove another human being to suicide? She put her arm around him and in that moment, she saw his humanity. She did not see him as the abuser or the annoying pain in her life that would never go away. She saw him, for lack of a better way of putting it, as Christ sees him. She wept with him, she felt his pain. From that moment on she was never tempted to go back to him. She did not make excuses for him, because there really is no excuse for his treatment of her, but she did feel for him. She had empathy for him. Her bitter, angry feelings toward him were gone. She still felt pain and sadness at the entire situation, but she left the inhumane world behind.
After hearing this story, I thought of the people in my life that I was hard towards. Uncle David, Uncle Pat, my cousin Nate, and my Grandma Lupher. I am not perfect, and I am far from seeing them as Christ would see them, but don't they deserve to have my love too? Aren't they entitled to my pity, not self righteous pity, but that sorrow for another's suffering pity. Am I any better than they are if I refuse to forgive them? I want to say yes but the answer is no. With this new knowledge comes a responsibility to forgive them. I know that it will take time, but I want to forgive them. I want to see them, and all people as Christ would see them. It is a tall order of myself, but I know that I am not alone. I have help, Heavenly help.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Seminar & Lecture
Tonight I went to a career seminar and a lecture. Both of them were very interesting.
I went to the government intelligence session and decided that it would be cool to apply to the FBI or NSA. I might do that, just cause. They both sound like interesting career choices.
The lecture was equally good, in fact, better. Dr. Christian Smith was so interesting and engaging. It makes me wish that I could combine my current research with his research. It isn't possible, but it would be cool to compare religious families to non-religious families. It was so wonderful.
I went to the lecture 45 minutes early because I wanted to be sure to get a good seat. I went into the auditorium and left my stuff in my seat so I could go to the foyer to talk to my mom (Mom, Dad, and Jarom went down to Mesa) to see if they made it alright. Dr. Olsen said that President Hinckley went to the lectures when he was alive because the chair is named after Sister Hinckley. I told my mom this and mentioned that it would be cool if President Monson came in honor of President Hinckley, not thinking that it would really happen. I then went to the bathroom. When I went to go sit down there were two gentlemen standing by my chair so I couldn't sit down. I waited off to the side because I didn't want to disturb them. When they moved away a lady walked up to them and said, "Hello, Elder Scott." I immediately started freaking out. Richard G. Scott was standing 4 feet away from me and I didn't even know it. I took a couple of very obvious pictures, called my mom again to tell her what happened, and then sat down to listen to the lecture. There were a bunch of people there: Sister Hinckley's siblings, Sister Tanner and Sister Dalton of the Young Women's Presidency, the General Young Men's Presidency, a couple of the members of the Seventy, and all of the Hinckley's children but one (I think it was Elder Richard Hinckley of the Seventy, they would have announced his presence as a member of the Seventy). Towards the end I realized that Sister Hinckley's siblings were two rows back and across the aisle form me. After the lecture I went up to thank Dr. Smith and shake his hand. Someone came up and stood next to me, I looked over and it was Elder Scott. I was standing next to Richard G. Scott! I started freaking out again. I kept wanting to stare at him, but I resisted the urge. I shook hands with Dr. Smith and turned to leave. Elder Scott was standing nearby so I went up to say high. My voice cracked when I said hello and told him I was excited that he was there. He said that he was excited to be there. I then turned to leave and have still not calmed all the way down. I naturally called my mom when I was able to talk without squeaking.
I found out in that conversation that the steering wheel that Kenyon designed made it through the first round of cuts. He worked so hard on that. I hope he wins. I am so happy for him.
I went to the government intelligence session and decided that it would be cool to apply to the FBI or NSA. I might do that, just cause. They both sound like interesting career choices.
The lecture was equally good, in fact, better. Dr. Christian Smith was so interesting and engaging. It makes me wish that I could combine my current research with his research. It isn't possible, but it would be cool to compare religious families to non-religious families. It was so wonderful.
I went to the lecture 45 minutes early because I wanted to be sure to get a good seat. I went into the auditorium and left my stuff in my seat so I could go to the foyer to talk to my mom (Mom, Dad, and Jarom went down to Mesa) to see if they made it alright. Dr. Olsen said that President Hinckley went to the lectures when he was alive because the chair is named after Sister Hinckley. I told my mom this and mentioned that it would be cool if President Monson came in honor of President Hinckley, not thinking that it would really happen. I then went to the bathroom. When I went to go sit down there were two gentlemen standing by my chair so I couldn't sit down. I waited off to the side because I didn't want to disturb them. When they moved away a lady walked up to them and said, "Hello, Elder Scott." I immediately started freaking out. Richard G. Scott was standing 4 feet away from me and I didn't even know it. I took a couple of very obvious pictures, called my mom again to tell her what happened, and then sat down to listen to the lecture. There were a bunch of people there: Sister Hinckley's siblings, Sister Tanner and Sister Dalton of the Young Women's Presidency, the General Young Men's Presidency, a couple of the members of the Seventy, and all of the Hinckley's children but one (I think it was Elder Richard Hinckley of the Seventy, they would have announced his presence as a member of the Seventy). Towards the end I realized that Sister Hinckley's siblings were two rows back and across the aisle form me. After the lecture I went up to thank Dr. Smith and shake his hand. Someone came up and stood next to me, I looked over and it was Elder Scott. I was standing next to Richard G. Scott! I started freaking out again. I kept wanting to stare at him, but I resisted the urge. I shook hands with Dr. Smith and turned to leave. Elder Scott was standing nearby so I went up to say high. My voice cracked when I said hello and told him I was excited that he was there. He said that he was excited to be there. I then turned to leave and have still not calmed all the way down. I naturally called my mom when I was able to talk without squeaking.
I found out in that conversation that the steering wheel that Kenyon designed made it through the first round of cuts. He worked so hard on that. I hope he wins. I am so happy for him.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Sleepy
I would really like to know why I am tired all the time. Monday, I slept from 1:30 to 6:00, then I went to bed at 1:00 am and slept till 10:00 am on Tuesday morning. I felt relatively rested all day Tuesday. I went to bed last night around 12:30, I woke up at 4:00, tossed and turned till almost 5:00, then slept till my alarm went off at 7:45. I could not concentrate today. I was so tired. I came home from school and slept for two hours. It is only 11:00 pm now and I desperately want to go to sleep, but I have to work on homework. It is lame I tell you.
On a happier note, I came home from the SLFSA meeting and found out that one of my roommates (who shall remain nameless) may be getting lucky tonight. She has wanted to make out for a long time and she might get her wish. It is funny though because this pretty much was a booty call and both of them are a little awkward. I think it is so funny. I will have to see what happened tomorrow.
On a happier note, I came home from the SLFSA meeting and found out that one of my roommates (who shall remain nameless) may be getting lucky tonight. She has wanted to make out for a long time and she might get her wish. It is funny though because this pretty much was a booty call and both of them are a little awkward. I think it is so funny. I will have to see what happened tomorrow.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Bull
So last night at Family Home Evening, we played the story game. Apparently I found out that I am really good at BS'ing. I told a long story based off of my flight from Chicago to Phoenix that I barfed on the seat in front of me. It was great. So if anyone needs a good yarn teller, I am available.
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Decisions
I have been struggling lately. I know that the Church is true, there is no doubt in my mind. I have just been lacking in the desire to go to church. I know I feel better when I go to church. I feel good when I fulfill my calling. I just don't want to go to church. I know that it is no excuse, but I feel a little burned out. I would love the opportunity to go to church at the regular time and not have to write the weekly announcements on the board. So pretty much, I am experiencing cognitive dissonance over church, which I don't like. I want to be out of this rut.
My other problem is that I see people around me getting the thing that I most desire. I am genuinely happy for them in their relationships. I wish them the best. I just want something like that to happen for me. I want to be in a relationship. I want to get married and have a family. I want the struggles and trials that come with marriage and family. Even through the struggles and trials I know that I will find my greatest happiness and joy. I feel guilty for being jealous of them, and I know that there are others who desire marriage more than I do. I suppose I am just frustrated because I "feel" like it is coming very soon, but I have been feeling like that for a year now and nothing has come to fruition. I suppose I just want to know.
P.S.~ The Giants beat the Patriots 17-14, thus blocking the Pats from having the perfect season. I went to Mike's Super Bowl Party and had really good food. I am still full.
My other problem is that I see people around me getting the thing that I most desire. I am genuinely happy for them in their relationships. I wish them the best. I just want something like that to happen for me. I want to be in a relationship. I want to get married and have a family. I want the struggles and trials that come with marriage and family. Even through the struggles and trials I know that I will find my greatest happiness and joy. I feel guilty for being jealous of them, and I know that there are others who desire marriage more than I do. I suppose I am just frustrated because I "feel" like it is coming very soon, but I have been feeling like that for a year now and nothing has come to fruition. I suppose I just want to know.
P.S.~ The Giants beat the Patriots 17-14, thus blocking the Pats from having the perfect season. I went to Mike's Super Bowl Party and had really good food. I am still full.
Saturday, February 2, 2008
President Hinckley's Funeral
I remember when President Benson and President Hunter died. I was not in the state of Utah when they happened though. That probably explains why I think that it is so weird for the funeral to be broadcast on a news station and have it disrupt regularly scheduled programing. I also thought that it was weird for the coverage to start an hour before the funeral and for it to continue till a half hour after the graveside service.
Despite all of these things going through my head, I really did enjoy the words that were spoken. President Hinckley was a great man. I am still having a hard time believing that he won't be at April's General Conference. I have very happy for him though. He is with his beloved wife.
I love haw the Church leaders that spoke tied a little doctrine into their messages. It was most comforting. President Monson will have large shoes to fill, but he will fill them and fill them well. I am sure that he must be feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders right now. He will leave his own mark on the Presidency of the Church. He is a good man too and I look forward to his Presidency.
Despite all of these things going through my head, I really did enjoy the words that were spoken. President Hinckley was a great man. I am still having a hard time believing that he won't be at April's General Conference. I have very happy for him though. He is with his beloved wife.
I love haw the Church leaders that spoke tied a little doctrine into their messages. It was most comforting. President Monson will have large shoes to fill, but he will fill them and fill them well. I am sure that he must be feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders right now. He will leave his own mark on the Presidency of the Church. He is a good man too and I look forward to his Presidency.
Suit
I fell asleep last night without taking the time to update my blog. It is regrettable, but it can be made up. That is what I am doing right now.
I bought my first suit today. It is so cute and I can't wait for an interview to wear it to. It is a black skirt suit and the jacket has white piping around the outside and pocket flaps. It is so cute. I also have a rock awesome shirt to wear under the jacket. I might be getting a brown pant pants suit, but that entirely depends on whether or not I can find the pants that goes with the jacket. I have the perfect shoes to wear with the brown suit, but I will have to buy some black shoes to go with the black suit. I really do want to have an interview now, or go to some convention and look all professional. One day.
I bought my first suit today. It is so cute and I can't wait for an interview to wear it to. It is a black skirt suit and the jacket has white piping around the outside and pocket flaps. It is so cute. I also have a rock awesome shirt to wear under the jacket. I might be getting a brown pant pants suit, but that entirely depends on whether or not I can find the pants that goes with the jacket. I have the perfect shoes to wear with the brown suit, but I will have to buy some black shoes to go with the black suit. I really do want to have an interview now, or go to some convention and look all professional. One day.
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