Overwhelming

Have you ever had one of those days when you have a major "aha" moment. One in a day can be pretty overwhelming, but two, that is way beyond overwhelming. The first one came this morning on the bus to school. I was texting Jarom and he told me I needed to concentrate on classes, not graduation. There is a very subtle difference there that I had not been paying attention to. I am really grateful that I have younger brothers, some of the best moments of realization for me have come through their hands. What I love even more, is that I have good relationships with them. If that were not the case, I wouldn't be able to take the advise that they give me. Not that I always do, and sometimes I take offense, but for the most part I feel that I can be called out by them, and I appreciate it in the end.

My second "aha" moment came during Moral Foundations. Dr Olsen read a letter written by a woman who had been in an abusive relationship. She married a man and then he became abusive. He cut her off from her family, was cruel, and manipulative. After 2 years and a baby girl, she finally got the courage to leave him. He would go to her parent's house and try to convince her to come back to him. He would try to manipulate her and get her back. She had problems with staying away and thought constantly about going back to him. One day when he came by he was different. He didn't try to persuade her to come back. He was gentle and kind. He asked about their life insurance and even had her read a line about suicide from it. She knew that he was going to go home and commit suicide. When she said good-bye that day she never thought she would see him again and she was happy. She would be free from his pressure and abuse. He would never bug her again. She was supremely angry and full of hatred the next day when he showed up at her door. He told her that he had been planning to kill himself that night, but in a twist of fate the electricity went out so he could not finish his suicide letter, and he could not leave without that finished. She was furious, she started going off on him, she knew the words to say that would drive him to attempt suicide again. As she was about to say those words, she stopped, and asked herself, what kind of person am I that I would want someone to die? Could she live with herself knowing that she drove another human being to suicide? She put her arm around him and in that moment, she saw his humanity. She did not see him as the abuser or the annoying pain in her life that would never go away. She saw him, for lack of a better way of putting it, as Christ sees him. She wept with him, she felt his pain. From that moment on she was never tempted to go back to him. She did not make excuses for him, because there really is no excuse for his treatment of her, but she did feel for him. She had empathy for him. Her bitter, angry feelings toward him were gone. She still felt pain and sadness at the entire situation, but she left the inhumane world behind.

After hearing this story, I thought of the people in my life that I was hard towards. Uncle David, Uncle Pat, my cousin Nate, and my Grandma Lupher. I am not perfect, and I am far from seeing them as Christ would see them, but don't they deserve to have my love too? Aren't they entitled to my pity, not self righteous pity, but that sorrow for another's suffering pity. Am I any better than they are if I refuse to forgive them? I want to say yes but the answer is no. With this new knowledge comes a responsibility to forgive them. I know that it will take time, but I want to forgive them. I want to see them, and all people as Christ would see them. It is a tall order of myself, but I know that I am not alone. I have help, Heavenly help.