Pondering

A few months ago, I set a goal to attend the temple every week. Thus far, I have been doing very good. I have felt closer to my Savior and have felt better in general.

I sometimes get impressions while I am at the temple, either while I am waiting in initiatory or sitting in the celestial room after a session. Sadly, I have not been very good about writing these impressions down. Tonight, however, I had to do it.

I was doing initiatory for some family names. As I was sitting and waiting, I thought about a person who is dear to me. She hasn't gone through the temple, but I hope one day she will. I was thinking about the future day and how joyful it would be to be with her in the celestial room. How joyful it would be to welcome her into that holy place, and part of me was joyous at her coming as I sat in initiatory.

My mind then turned to my in-laws. They are not members, but I wanted them to partake in this joy I was feeling. I wanted them to be there with me to feel eternity and know that there is more to this life than their seemingly pointless sufferings. I wanted them to feel the love that permeates every corner of that hallowed edifice.

Then I thought of Austin. My dear, sweet Austin. How I wish the temple would go through him as it has me. I wish he would come with me. I miss him so. Oh what a joyous occasion it will be when I can sit with him in the celestial room again.

The problem with all these beautiful thoughts is I don't know how to make them happen. I do know, though, that I receive answers in the temple, and that I suppose is why I will continue to go. So the question of how to help these dear loved ones will be given.

New puppy

We got a new puppy and I named him Jaxson. He drives me crazy, but I have learned some things about myself and I have learned to wash a dog and crate in ten minutes.

Buster isn't too sure about him still but they haven't killed each other yet.

Other things

I have a million other things that I should be doing right now, but I really feel that I need to write this story right now. It is not to toot my own horn or anything like that. Neither is this a story to degrade my mom. Don't judge, everyone has their own demons.

A little less than four years ago, my Aunt Louise passed away. She was a good lady and is sorely missed. Her funeral was held in Benson/Pomerene, about an hour from Thatcher. Jason and Velika had come up Friday night, we were all planning on driving down together.

I remember waking up the morning of the funeral and laying in bed thinking about family members that I would see and being excited to see everyone. Yes, it was a funeral and a subdue occasion, but I can lie, I was looking forward to it. As I laid there, a feeling came over me that if I went to the funeral, my mother would not be a live when we got home. It was not a passing thought or something I could put aside. I knew.

I went down stairs and my Dad asked me why I wasn't getting ready, I told him of the impression that I had and he said that he had been having the same feeling. I didn't go. I wish I could have, but I was needed at home.

My mom got mad at me. She said she didn't need a babysitter, that she wasn't even thinking about that when she wanted to stay home. You know what? I believe her, I do not think she would have intentionally taken her life that day. But knowing what I know, if she would have been home alone that day, she wouldn't have been alive when we got home.

I love my mother, I hope she knows that.

Plans

One of my favorite quotes is, "the best laid plans of mice and men." That seems to describe my life. We plan so many things as people. Some things we can make happen and others we can't, they are just hopes that we want to happen.

I know in the grand scheme of things, this little incident won't make a difference, but I think it applies to life.

Austin and I (me especially) wanted to get cruise control put on our Focus. We bought the proper steering wheel, set the appointment to get it put on, and brought the car to the dealership. Well, they started to work on my car and the me3chanics found out that I don't have a fly by wire throttle. Which breaks down to I do not have an electric throttle, so unless I want to spend thousands of dollars (which I don't) I can't put cruise control on my car.

I have had several situations in my life where I have prepared as much as possible, but the out come wasn't what I wanted. I have learned that there is a better reason than I can think of as to why the situation didn't turn out like I had planned. Sometimes, I was in the exact place I needed to lift someone who was down or learned from the different path that was laid before me. I don't know what this minor life set back will bring, but I am sure there will be a better "prize" than my wanted cruise control.

As I sit and wait

I have been sitting here four hours after I was suppose to go home waiting for some scans to load and being bored out of my mind. So, I though I would take the time to update the happenings of my little family.

We have had a very busy past couple of months. My youngest brother got married in November in Albuquerque. It was a fun trip, but very quick. I am so happy for Jarom and Tori. They are great together. They are also copycats since the first car they bought as a married couple was a Ford Focus, it was even red (just a different shade). I love them both and hope they have a very happy life together.

Austin and I spent Thanksgiving with his family and had an enjoyable day. We went exploring around the desert and found some cool glass bottles and clay pigeons. The clay pigeons have actually come in really handy because they are now propping up my dish drainer.

For Christmas we spent some time with both families. It is Austin's family tradition to open present Christmas Eve so we went over there and had a homemade Chinese buffet and presents. Christmas day we spent with my family and I once again was able to surprise him with something that he wanted. I have skills. The unfortunate thing was that he did not get his Christmas present until Tuesday because it was locked in a bay at Boulevards because my Dad's truck was getting work done on it before and after Christmas.

I got him a headache rack for an old 1971 Ford f250 we are working on. It fit perfectly and goes great with the truck. As a side story, one day after work Austin went to pick up Justin and Erin at his mom's house because Robin was on a trip. He decided that he would go off roading since it had rained earlier in the day. Well, he got stuck and Kenyon and I had went to rescue him with my dad's truck. Well, Austin's present was in the back of the truck (which was locked) and Austin asked if he should put the dirty tow strap in the back. Kenyon, smooth as silk said, "nope it's locked. Uncle Max's present is back there." Austin didn't think anything of it. Yep, pretty sneaky.

Austin got mad at me because I spent my Christmas bonus getting presents for everyone instead of getting what I wanted, which was a stand mixer. Well it actually turned out okay. After doing for research the mixer that I was going to get had plastic transmission gears which would have gone bad quicker than I would have preferred. Instead, I got to by myself a better (yes, slightly more expensive) one that should last a long time. My mom had one and it lasted forever, even after it got dropped on the motor.

Anyway, I enjoyed spending time with my family. We were all together. That made 11 total, maybe next time we get together for Christmas (in two years) there will be even more (no I am not announcing that I am pregnant, I am not). I really wish we could all get together more often.

Austin and I both got pay raises around the New Year. It will be nice to have a bit more wiggle room. We are hoping to pay off some bills this year and save to go on a vacation somewhere. I would like to go to an amusement park because Austin has never been to any. We will see where we end up going, although it might not be any further than Castles and Coaster in Phoenix. I really want to take him to a park with bumper cars since he never got to ride on those either.

Provo Temple

I am so excited that the Provo Tabernacle is going to be rebuilt into a temple. It was such a beautiful building and I was sad when it burned down. I will have to go to Utah and do a session when it is completed. Okay, it is really a bigger excuse to go visit my friends in Utah, but come on, a new Temple and friends? What could be better.

Peaches

Tuesday and Wednesday have been hellacious this week. I was stressed and often wanted to cry. It seemed the harder I tried to get things done at work or home, the more things fell apart. So when I got in my car after work yesterday to find ice so I could peel peaches to can them after I went visiting teaching, I was close to tears. I turned on the radio because I didn't want silence and the song that was came on was exactly what I needed to hear. Yes, it was a CD, but the song that came on had the message that I needed and wanted to hear. I love tender mercies.

The peaches turned out okay, I hope. I haven't been to check on them. I might go over to my parent's house tonight to can the pears I have because my Saturday is not as open as I thought it was going to be. We shall see.