Conflicted

I have a problem, a big problem. I have the opportunity to move home at the end of June and I am terribly tempted to take it and the thing is, if I don't find a job I will have to take it because I can't continue to live on nothing. I felt I should stay longer than just graduation, and I did want to stay till Lisa's wedding, but again, the finances are a worry. I don't know what to do.

Long Time

I have been doing a bad job of writing on my blog. I feel bad because I really do want to write, and I have time, but I forget till when my computer is turned off. I have been in a weird mood lately. I want to be very juvenile, but I still want to be treated like an adult. I am so tired, and I have a headache.

I got to go to Ikea today. It was very fun and I will definitely go again. I found a bunch of things that I would like to decorate my house/apartment with.

Mono Checklist

So, as I have had fun with mono, I have discovered certain things. I am making a list for all those who would like to know all the fun you are missing out on by not having mono.

1. You get to sleep a ton
2. You have random sore throats that come and go
3. If you ruff house, your spleen could explode
4. Your stomach is perpetually upset
5. If you don't sleep enough, you get a headache
6. You get an excuse to turn homework in late
7. Your brain gets fuzzy from lack of sleep
8. If you try to do homework, you automatically fall asleep
9. Sometimes you are so tired, you can't sleep
10. You have flatulence that can clear a room in 2.5 seconds
11. You can't kiss people
12. You can pass it on to your enemies
13. You can randomly pass it on in the future without knowing it
14. You have a walking fever
15. If the doctors give you antibiotics you look like a leper

As a note to 12, I am very bummed because I didn't even get to kiss anyone to get the kissing disease, I just got it. What is the fun of having a kissing disease if you didn't get to kiss to get it. I do know, however that my grandma's canker sore medicine actually helps you to feel better. The sad thing is, I am in Arizona for the week and left my supply up in Provo.

Graduating

I am so happy! I took my last final today. I will be graduating on Thursday and Friday. I am so happy. I never thought this day would come. My roommates threw a surprise party for me tonight. It is a good thing I had to go back to my room because I might of cried out of gratitude. I think having mono has made me emotional. I think I have been tempted to cry more than ever this past week and there has been a reason for my emotion, just not that much.

I got my cap and gown today, my parents are coming up tomorrow, it is the beginning of the end of my time here in Provo. It is really strange to think that in four months I will be moving. I have so much to do. It is also a little sad for me. I will miss my friends very much.

The Reason Why

So, all semester long, I have been having problems. I have been tired, my stomach has hurt, and I have had an off and on fever and sore throat. I have felt so rotten, for so long, that I was just happy to know what the matter with me is. I almost started to cry when I found out that I have mono. I have started to drink Grandma's canker sore medicine because mono and canker sores are caused by the same virus, the epstein-bar virus. The stuff is on the nasty side, but if it will work to get me better, I will do it.

I am really tempted to write a letter to my teachers explaining that I have had mono since at least January and that due to the incompetence of the doctors at the BYU Student Health Center, I was not diagnosed properly until today.

I am so glad that this semester is over. I can't wait to go home, even if it isn't for very long and just rest. I am disappointed with my grades, but it is too late for that now. I just hope that my teachers will take pity on me.

Lalala, lalala, lalalalalaaaaaaa, cheese

I am such a slacker. I don't want to go to school tomorrow, but I have to. I don't want to do my homework either.

My head hurts and I should be in bed. Something is up with me and I don't know what it is.

Easter

Today in sacrament meeting I had a very enlightening moment. Every year all my Dad says he wants for Christmas and his birthday is for his children to grow in righteousness and stay close to the Gospel. I have gotten use to this request and I sometimes joke around with him about it. I know he is serious, but I am not quite up to his spiritual level, so I still want things for my birthday and Christmas. Today though, I understood my Dad's desire. As I sat during the talks, my mind was called upon to reflect the desires of my heart. As I sat, I knew all I wanted was to spend eternity with my family.

Jarom wrote a poem. It is a really good poem, and I decided to help him out and submitted it to the New Era. I was really surprised when Jarom sent the poem to me, I didn't know he was the poetry writing type.

The Old Olive Tree

In an ancient land in garden sacred

I stand an old olive tree

I was the one with the Lord

That night when His friends slumbered and slept

When He asked Father to remove that cup, but not My will but Thine, be done

I comforted Him in His darkest hour and greatest need

When He did that great act it was at the base of me an olive tree

When that perfect man took on all mankind’s sin

The great drops of blood that fell, fell upon me an unworthy olive tree

I cried for Him wanting to do more

Weeping when they betrayed and carried Him away

Sobbing when I heard He had died on the cross on Calvary

O but what joy to see His risen face and hear His voice

So here I stand an old olive tree

To testify to all, of the selfless act that happened in Gethsemane

This poem has been the cause of much of the reflection that I have been having the past couple of days. What Christ suffered, I have no idea. I just know the pain and heart ache I felt watching my brothers struggle with their challenges. I have felt the distance when I have withdrawn from the Spirit. The pain and sorrow of having the companionship of the Spirit entirely withdraw from me would be unbearable. Yet, what exceedingly great joy I have felt upon the return of the lost sheep to the fold. How my heart has been filled with gladness when I have repented. I can only image that that is in a small part how we all felt when our Lord and Savior conquered death. I need to do better, for I am slipping and I yearn to be close. I want to feel the light within again. I think I am going to make it. Not on my own, by any means, but with some Heavenly help, I will make it back.